Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
