I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I could make wine with my vomit
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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