if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You ruined the universe
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
