Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
