I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
