Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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