I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
