I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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