Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
