I need to stop coming to work sober
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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