we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
