my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
