Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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