You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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