I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
what day is it and did you see me today?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
