Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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