I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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