I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
