No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
