I feel like abortions should bother me more
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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