omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
