I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Never underestimate the power of titties
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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