I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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