After last night, I could never be a politician.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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