"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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