I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
