There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
