if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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