he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?