the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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