So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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