She said her name was "party"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
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I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
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After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going