Don't you send me to vm
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off