Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
