just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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