your room smells of hookers.
And success
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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