Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
