he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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