I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
