Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
