Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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