Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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