I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?