Sponge bath it is.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night