Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON