Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
