then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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