just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
