And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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