Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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