MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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