standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
