sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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