I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
