ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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