So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
