I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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