Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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