Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
