I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
