I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
