Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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