Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize