Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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