The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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