There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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