Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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