I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
