PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
