there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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