I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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