Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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