i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
