My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
