Yo dont text me then not text me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
