So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
