Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
