hotel room ftw
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
