Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
