dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
