i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
