Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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