Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
