My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
