I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
