he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
